I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Drunk walkin through police station. America
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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