worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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