what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
