She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
