Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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