she was so not down for the gang bang
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
