you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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