My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
