My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
