i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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