I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
