How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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