I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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