i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
