Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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