Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
