there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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