Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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