Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
