WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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