He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
