i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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