my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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