I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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