Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Randomize
