they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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