i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
