just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
