she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
