No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
