new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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