just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Randomize
