she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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