i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
