32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
