I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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