but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
