i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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