I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
