I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
