I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
