a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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