You're completely useless in the revolution.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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