I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
