Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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