How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
