i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
and she was petting her beer can
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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