I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I just want to make out with him forever
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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