and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
