you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
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