even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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