if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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