I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
