sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
