Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
So many bounce houses so little time
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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