Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
