so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
