Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
