I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
she looked like the before picture.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
