Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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