i barfeds in our rink
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
