Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
