So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize