i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
