You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
