you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
