he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You are a genius and a whore.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
