11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
