Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
