First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
How drunk are you?
Completed.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
