32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
