I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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