I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
