the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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