Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
